A shoulder to cry on
by Dancingwiththesocks
Summary: Merlin provides a shoulder to cry on after the events of The sins of the father.


Ready for what he thought was going to be another normal day, Merlin walked into Arthur's chambers wondering what Arthur would want him to do.

Merlin was welcomed to the sight of Arthur leaning against the wall, staring out of the window as if he was daydreaming.

Merlin coughed which got Arthur's sudden attention.

"Merlin" was all that Arthur could bring himself to say at that moment.

Merlin decided to move on the conversation by declaring that it was breakfast time.

Usually Arthur would be having or just starting to eat his breakfast the minute he woke up, instead his gaze was turned back to window, ignoring the fact that his breakfast was still on the table.

Merlin tilted his head at an angle, more than slightly confused and maybe even worried about Arthur not eating.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked, confusion taking over his facial expression.

Arthur sighed heavily before speaking. "Merlin I have been thinking about what happened between me and my father a couple of days ago".

Merlin's attention was immediately fixed on Arthur as his memory took him back to the heart racing moment when Arthur was about to kill his own father.

Before he could reply Arthur interrupted. "If you hadn't of burst in and made me see sense at that moment, my father would be dead, along with Camelot suffering for my stupid actions".

Arthur's gaze was still fixed on the window while Merlin's was on Arthur, waiting for him to carry on.

Rubbing his eyes Arthur's next sentence was "You were right when you got me to realise that I had already lost my mum and that at heart I really didn't want to lose my dad".

There was a minute of silence before Arthur resumed his speech.

"Even though I was clearly out of my mind at the time, in a matter of hours I would have been regretting and hating myself for what I had done, it would have completely destroyed me".

All Merlin could do was stare at Arthur, slightly amazed but equally shocked at the inner feelings that Arthur was letting out, not to his father but to **him.**

"Are you sure you want to be telling me this" Merlin asked innocently.

Arthur didn't answer his question, instead he continued to talk.

"There has always been something in my mind that has been bothering me since I first knew of my mum's death and in the past couple of days it has made that thought become true".

Merlin looked at Arthur sympathetically before giving him a sign to carry on.

"I used to be terrified at the thought of losing both parents when I was younger, and I still am to this very day".

There was a small silence as if Arthur was trying to find the right words.

"Do you know what really bothers me?" Arthur questioned looking directly and sharply at Merlin.

"No" Merlin replied, his voice barely a whisper.

"It was the very second when my father said I was not to blame", was all Arthur revealed.

Part of Merlin wanted to know more but the other part of him was aching for Arthur along with the voice in his brain practically yelling at him to get Arthur to stop, not wanting him to regret sharing something so personal with his man servant later that day.

He was about to ask Arthur if he wanted to stop when Arthur blurted out his next sentence.

"Even though my father reassured me that it wasn't my fault I just couldn't bring myself believe him, I convinced myself that it was me who caused the death of my mother!" Arthur shouted but only loud enough for Merlin to hear.

Merlin shook his head while saying "no Arthur, it really wasn't your fault"

"Yes it was!" Arthur cried, he paused before speaking again as if he was trying to calm down. "Merlin if I hadn't been born then my father would still be happy to this very day" Arthur said quietly, his voice almost a whimper.

"Arthur don't think that!" Merlin pleaded now sitting on the edge of Arthur's bed.

"Why not" Arthur muttered angrily before adding "you have no idea what it's like, day after day wishing that my mum was still alive to have seen me grow up, and having to face the fact that nothing will ever bring her back no matter how much I cry or how sorry I feel for myself". Arthur practically whispered, his eyes glistening with unshed tears which he was forcing to stay in.

The atmosphere in the room was silent until Arthur had managed to calm himself down to a reasonable level, not wanting to let himself cry like a baby in front of his own servant.

Arthur let out a small sigh before saying "The biggest thing I have learned from the last couple of days is that if I was the cause of both of my parents deaths then I could never forgive myself" Arthur said in a small voice.

Merlin felt his own eyes stinging with tears, he took a deep breath before replying to Arthur.

"Arthur you were not the cause of your mother's death , you have to believe me when I say you had no control over what happened to your mother!" Merlin said raising his voice.

Arthur responded by shaking his head while his face was screwed up, the tears pushing up again but Arthur still refusing to let them fall.

The next words from Arthur just tumbled out of his mouth and Merlin noticed that his voice sounded a bit higher when he spoke.

"My mother would still be alive and happy if it wasn't for me, and my father wouldn't be the miserable man he is today if my birth had gone differently ..."

Arthur began to shake, his chest felt tighter and his eyes were full of tears which were stinging his eyes. He desperately tried to calm himself down by taking deep breathes, however this time it wasn't going to work, the tears had escaped from Arthur's eyes along with a small sob.

Merlin then got up, he stood next to Arthur and put his left arm around him, letting him cry on his shoulder.

Arthur stared at him for a second which made Merlin uncomfortable, to Merlin's surprise Arthur didn't say anything he just buried his head on to his shoulder and let out his river of tears on to Merlin's shoulder.

After about fifteen or so minutes of spilling tears and quiet sobbing Arthur lifted his head from Merlin's shoulder and wiped his eyes with a tissue Merlin had given him.

"Do you feel better?" Merlin asked softly.

Arthur nodded awkwardly.

Merlin cleared his throat and walked over to the door , thinking that Arthur would want some space after what had just happened.

"Merlin" Arthur called, his voice back to normal.

Merlin walked over to Arthur waiting for an order .

"I just wanted to say thank you for listening to me , talking to my father about personal things like that are awkward and it tends to put me off" Arthur said calmly.

"Glad I could help" Merlin replied heading for the door.

Arthur stopped him to let out his final sentence.

"Oh and Merlin, if you ever tell anyone anything I have spoken about, you will be in the stocks faster than you can say Camelot"

"Message understood" was Merlin's reply.

That alone just proved that everything from that point had gone back to normal.


End file.
